The Family Life of Lord Voldemort
by Bre Henson
Summary: The Dark Lord is married think the universe isn't vast enough to hold two Voldemorts?You are in for quite an awakening... Multiple one-shots
1. Chapter 1

**Thanks go out to my mom for coming up with the title of this entire story! Thanks mom!**

**Thanks you loads, BrittleHeart!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to I, she said with a relieved sigh, for this line of simple type, would save her from a trial, that was sure to bring lots of hype.**

**(But I do own the plot, and Christina! feels a tap on shoulder, turns around Huh? Eeek! Voldemort! dims screen No! NO! I don't own your wife!) Thew! He's gone!**

Chapter One: Madame Esclave's

Six months ago, Lord Voldemort had fallen in love with, and married, a copper-haired, twenty-six year old, American woman, named Christina. Now you might think that Christina would be terrified, being married to evil incarnate as she is, but in truth she enjoys it. According to a few Death Eaters, she's as fearsome as the Dark Lord himself.

Let us go now to Knockturn Alley, where Voldemort is having Christina outfitted in an eviler wardrobe.

"Here we are, Christina! Madame Etre Esclave's; perhaps we shall find something worthy of your approval, my love." Voldemort said eager to please the beautiful witch beside him.

"Perhaps," Christina darkly replied.

Before they could reach the door it was held open by Madame Esclave herself.

"My Lord, and Lady, welcome to my most humble shop. I am grateful to no end for the most undeserved honor you have bestowed upon me," she said, trembling.

Madame Esclave was a tall woman, with thick black curls that cascaded past her shoulders; a few of the spirals had turned silver, as had a few of her eyelashes, which framed glinting hazel eyes. Eyes which looked eager to please, and yet terrified at the same time. "How may I be of assistance, lord, and lady?" she continued.

"I wish to see your cloaks," Christina said in an expectant tone, and the Madame hurried quickly to where the items in want were; the Dark couple following swiftly, and gracefully.

"Here they are, my Lady," Madame Esclave said, and Voldemort whirled.

"Christina is a queen, and you shall refer to her as such!" he hissed, and the Madame's trembling became more pronounced.

"Y-yes, m-my Lord," she said, and then added to Christina, "I apologize, your Highness."

Christina took no notice, and looking to her husband said, "This one is adequate, is it not?"

Voldemort looked over the cloak in question; it was silver, with a green snake embroidered on the chest. "As well as this one," Christina said, and held out a rich black cloak.

"Your beauty would grace both of them, and if you deem them worthy of your liking, then we shall have them!" Voldemort said, and Christina took the cloaks off the rack, and handed them to Madame Esclave.

"Be sure to cleanse your filth from Christina's purchases before we leave with them!" Voldemort demanded.

"Your w-will shall be done, my lord." Madame Esclave replied, as she followed them to the robes portion of the store.

Christina was looking over a set of black robes, with red trim along the sleeves.

Voldemort smirked sinisterly; this had been a good move. Christina was happy, and when she was happy he, too, could be. He couldn't wait to see how much better their marriage would become after he killed Potter; of course could it really get any better?

He decided not to think about it; he didn't need any distractions from his, and Christina's day out.

Now she was looking at some black robes with emerald trim.

"Which ones do you like best?" she asked.

Voldemort answered, "The ones with the green work, my love, it is the color of my ancestor; Salazaar Slytherin."

Christina nodded, "True, and these would appear to be of better workmanship. I'll take two of these." she said, and handed them to Madam Esclave, who took them, thrilled that the wife of the Dark Lord was pleased with her shop.

At last, the Voldemorts were about to leave with their purchases. Christina had bought the two cloaks, the green trimmed robes, a pair of black jeans, a green blouse, black boots, and a set of black dress robes; for the Death Eaters' Christmas, and Kill Potter parties.

Madame Esclave had finished scourgifying the items, and had packed them; she was now carefully placing them in Christina's handbag, which had a magically expanded interior.

Lady Voldemort looked at Madame Esclave waiting for the total.

"No, no cost, Lady Voldemort, I live to serve. The honor of your presence here is by far more payment than I deserve." Madame Esclave said.

Christina nodded curtly, "Of course it is; do not forget the gift you have received. If you continue to have items of this quality, I shall perhaps return." the Dark Lady informed her.

Madame Esclave was taken aback, "Thank you, Lady Voldemort; my failing words can not show my gratitude." she said, and the Voldemorts left the shop.

"Christina," Voldemort asked, once they were away from everyone. "Why waste words of praise on that fool?"

Christina raised an eyebrow, "The occasional praise will make them eager to improve their service; as they are so ready to please." she said, and Voldemort nodded.

"I see; ah my love, your brilliance never ceases to amaze!" he said, and Christina smirked; the closest either of them ever came to smiling.

"But, it could not be another way, could it? Why else would I be Lady Voldemort?" she questioned, and Voldemort smirked maliciously.

"Exactly; ah, together we shall rule all!" he cried.

"As soon as you destroy Potter," Christina said.

"That shan't be long; the boy's days are of very little number," Voldemort answered, scowling.

"Yes, I know, love; I'm merely trying to keep your goal in mind." Christina said, and then the two cackled together. "Shall we go to Burgin, and Bourke's? You like that shop still, don't you?" she asked.

"Yes, let us go; I wish to see what new artifacts they have in." Voldemort replied, excitement tinged his voice, and red slitted eyes; and with a swirl of cloaks, they went.

**Review please! Unless you wish for me to suffer a horrible death at the hands of Lord, or Lady, Voldemort!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	2. Chapter 2: A Dead Muggle!

**Sorry for the wait; everything's been crazy in my world. **

**FYI: I don't own them. shrugs I think...**

Chapter Two: "A Dead Muggle!!!"

Christina Voldemort strode into the Death Eater's meeting; she wasn't finding their service up to par.

"How does this day find you, my Lady?" Lucias Malfoy asked.

"If you would do your job efficiently, my day would improve highly. That goes for you all!" Christina shouted.

"I apologize if my service has not sufficed, your Ladyship." Bellatrix Lestrange said; verbally throwing herself to her knees.

"Of course you do, "Christina said; sighing. "And so you will continue; unless your performance dramatically improves."

"It shall, my Lady! I swear it upon the Dark Mark!" Bellatrix cried.

Christina nodded, "Good, see that your promise is fulfilled." She was her husband's eyes flash, and then flicker back into darkness. He sometimes had trouble with sharing the power.

"Is there anything worth my time before we begin?" The Dark Lord demanded.

Snape stood up. "Potter is an unbearable nuisance, just like his father before him!" he snarled.

"I'm aware of the boy's idiocy!" Voldemort shouted. "Do you all posses nothing that I would wish to hear?"

"Nagini ate a Muggle yesterday, my Lord." Barty Crouch Jr. replied.

"Wonderful! At least Nagini does not fail me!" Voldemort sneered. "They're a pathetic and unworthy lot; aren't they my love?" he asked Christina.

"Worse than that," Christina said, "They are ungrateful of the opportunity that you have given them. They are a waste of your time."

Voldemort smirked, "Lucky for you lot, I am more merciful than my wife, or no doubt you would all be dead, or in extreme torment." he said.

"Yes Lord." all the Death Eaters said.

"What kind of filth did Nagini take?" Voldemort questioned.

"A Muggle correspondent between their government and the Ministry." Barty Jr. replied.

"We've taken his hair for a Polyjuice potion, Lord." Lucias said.

"Good; I would have had Bellatrix Cruciate you, if you had not." Voldemort replied.

"My piggy bank collection has not been dusted to my specifications." Christina said.

"I believe it was your turn Severus."

Snape blanched, "They haven't my Lady?" he asked.

"No, there is a coffin of dust on Mr. Oinky, and Ms. Squiggles is filthy; much like your hair." Christina said.

"I am sorry. How may I redeem myself of this failure, Lady?" Snape asked.

"You shall go clean them like a Muggle. No magic!" she said, and snatched his wand. "If one of them breaks or loses so much was a paint chip, I will take it out of you!"

"Yes Lady," Snape said.

"Why are you still sitting around then? Go! Now!" Christina shouted, and Snape left in a sprint; robes trailing behind him.

"Half-blood leech," Christina commented, and the rest of the followers were proud it hadn't been their turn. Voldemort scowled, but the Death Eaters thought it was a smile, and shivered.

"Since Severus is through, there is no need to pause the meeting. Here, pass these around Bellatrix!" he shouted.

"Oh! Connect the dots! A dead Muggle!!! Thank you my Lord!" she cried.

"The next one is mine! Give it to me!" Barty screamed.

"I want one as well." Lucias said; trying to act as like connect the dots didn't excite him.

"Just a minute!" Bellatrix screeched. "I'm trying to find the exact one I want!"

"Well hurry up!" Barty said.

**[Does anyone read this? If so, I don't know it. There are 0 comments. Nada, none. Honestly, I'd take one that says "You suck" at this point.**


	3. Chapter 3: Dark Valentine's

**Unedited, I'll fix the mistakes when there's time.  
Anyway, enjoy! Sorry I've taken so long. :( Don't hate me!  
Oh, btw, for any Death Note fans out there, check out my new fic please! It's called "Strange Days At Wammy's House." It involves L giving up sugar. **

Lord Voldemort scowled across the table at his wife; Christina.

"By Slytherin's name I swear that I shall do something with you! Especially on this day!" he said loudly.

Christina sighed, "February 14th means nothing to me anymore; not since you forgot it last year." she said.

"An unforgivable mistake, which I shall forever regret, but I had to-"

"Yes, yes; you had to go oversee some 'kill Potter' plot; I know." Christina angrily said; interrupting the Dark Lord.

Voldemort was silent; he didn't understand why his wife was so upset. Didn't she despise cherubs, and the color pink? He thought of her piggy bank collection, (Now spotless thanks to Snape.) not one of them was pink. So why was she so angry that they'd done nothing for Valentine's last year?

"Christina, I-" he started to say, but was once again interrupted.

"I don't want your lies! I will do nothing on this day, just as I always have! Besides, you don't really wish to spend time with me. All you truly want is to get rid of Potter! I am nothing." she accusingly said.

Voldemort wasn't sure if it was tears or wrath he saw in her eyes; either one unsettled him.

"_She'd better not cry."_ he thought. Women or anyone really, crying was not something he could tolerate.

"Be reasonable, my love. I was distracted last year; that doesn't mean you are worth nothing." he said.

Christina merely snorted in disgust. Acting on panicked instinct, Voldemort grabbed his wife's hand, and apparated them both away.

"What are you doing?!" Christina demanded; her face was livid.

"I am taking you out for entertainment on this important day!" Voldemort answered.

"In London?" Christina asked; after she'd seen where they'd landed. A girlish sparkle was in her eyes.

"Yes; but first," he pulled an oddly shaped package from his cloak. "A gift."

Christina hurriedly opened it; when the mystery was revealed she stood in a joyful, yet shocked, silence.

"A-a Slytherin piggy bank?" she asked in awe, and then she threw her arms around the Dark Lord.

"Oh my love! It is perfect!"

Voldemort smiled, "I was hoping that you would like it."

"Yes! Yes, of course I do!" Christina assured.

Voldemort's grin grew wider; "You'll love what we're going to do next." he said.

"What? What is it?" she excitedly asked.

"Muggle-torturing!" whispered Voldemort.

"Really?" Christina asked; breathless.

"Yes."

"Then what are we waiting for? Let us go ruin Valentine's Day for the sickening Muggle couples!" Christina exclaimed.

Thus is how the Dark Lord and Lady spent their evening, night, and morning out. So many Muggles, so little time.


End file.
